Posted by Becca Larsen on Nov.16, 2009

©iStockphoto.com - mrPliskin

From the time mothers are children themselves, playing with dolls, they dream of how intelligent, athletic and amazing their children will be. A woman carrying a child is confident that child is going to be the first and best of every achievement imaginable.  Her child is going to be the doctor who cures AIDS or cancer.

Discovering a Learning Disability

Her child born perfect, with a button nose, tiny ears all his toes and fingers. Grandparents clamor over whose side of the family he takes after more. He grows and reaches milestones, but something just doesn’t seem right.

He’s no longer making eye contact or his letters are backwards and upside down.  Perhaps he won’t sit long enough to learn anything or he is just struggling harder than necessary. Skills come harder, and later, than other children in the play group. Fear and uncertainty creep into that confident mother’s mind. The dreadful feeling of failing at motherhood becomes her constant companion.  Her dream child isn’t “normal.”

Consider Normal

But really, what is “normal?”  Your washer, dryer or dishwasher may have a setting labeled “normal.”  Consider that term.  It’s used to generalize and refer to average.  Similar to a bell grading curve, the majority of children fall under the middle of the bell.  However there are the edges, and there has to be “abnormal” in order to define normal.

There are degrees of normal, much like there are degrees of autism, attention disorders and learning disorders. Most learning disabilities and autism spectrum disorders are discovered through symptoms and these can vary from child to child and even day to day. Therefore, a liberating approach to raising an “abnormal” child is to adjust our concept of normal to align with the reality of the situation.

Learning disorders, autism and attention disorders are neurological problems; though their causes are unknown, they manifest as differences in how the brain works. At their core, they are different ways of seeing and interpreting the world. Your child’s reality gets filtered through that perception. Children who have learning disabilities see the world differently than others, but, particularly in the early years, may not know that. Their way of seeing things is simply how things are to them. It may not be normal compared to their playmates, but it’s normal to them.

Educate Yourself

In order to align your expectations of your child with reality, it is important to educate yourself on the issue.  Internet searches can be enlightening, but also misleading.  Use information gathered from the internet with caution, cross-referencing to reliable medical  or support sites and child development sites.  Books written by an authority on the matter carry a wealth of information.  Libraries sometimes carry excellent resources.  Seek support and education from those that have been through it.  Support groups are a fantastic source of information and emotional support.

Sometimes our reality needs to get in check.  Imposed expectations of our children cause undue stress on our children and ourselves.  Projected dreams cause nothing but hard feelings. Undue pressure can cause a child to regress and even stall in reaching a milestone It is helpful to check with a doctor or school professional as to if the child is developing within reasonable expectation; however, some schools have incentives to diagnose learning disabilities, and elementary school psychologists, while well-trained and certified professionals, may not be specialists in your child’s particular issue.  A second opinion from an independent professional in the realm of concern can help alleviate concern or help in seeking solutions for your child’s issue.

Next week:  Types of differences, and interventions to help your child deal with them

For more information, check out the Parent information at the Learning Disability Association of America.

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Posted under Family, GDM Kids, Tweens, Teens.